Fri, 9pm, Stargate - Ark of Truth, Sky1
When our trusty heroes find out about an evil Ori plan to wipe out life on Earth, they determine to stop the evil wee fellas. They know there’s a device out there that could defeat them but - wait for it! - it’s hidden within Ori territory. Can the gang find the weapon, stop the Ori and still make it home in time for tea? The tension mounts!

Fri, 9pm, South Park, Paramount
There could be trouble in store (for a change…) for the hapless Butters in the first of tonight’s double bill. Cartman makes him sneak away from a class trip to a living museum in order to visit the amusement park next door. In the second episode, Cartman is at it again, and enlists Butters’ help in stopping the Chinese, whose Olympic drumming is giving our rotund protagonist nightmares. Believing the Chinese have evil plans for America, Cartman forms the American Liberation Front to stop them.

Sat, 8.30pm, King of the Hill, FX
Bobby’s attempt to impress a girl by protesting against the drinks machines at school backfire when the teachers fight against him. When things get out of hand, Bobby turns to his old man for some advice. Will he get the girl in the end?

Sun, 6.30pm, The Simpsons, Sky1
Lisa manages to steal the spotlight from the family’s old friend Krusty and become the star of her very own TV show! One can only imagine the jealousy that must ensue from her underachieving, Krusty super-fan brother… Meanwhile, Homer and Bart throw themselves into their new-found love of coin collecting, of all things.

Sun, 10pm, Desperate Housewives, E4
Bree’s estranged child, who this time around is Danielle (she doesn’t do too well hanging onto those kids of hers, does she?) returns home and is met with the full force of Wisteria Lane’s toughest housewife’s disapproval. Is it any wonder the poor kids keep running off? Meanwhile, Gabrielle and Susan come to blows over the mothering methods, and there’s bad news in store for Lynette.

Sun, 10pm, Breaking Bad, FX
In this penultimate episode, meth-cookin’, cancer-sufferin’ ex-teacher Walter is starting to feel the effects of chemo, but that doesn’t stop him preparing his wares. Jesse’s friend Skinny Pete introduces Walt to a new contact, but things don’t go quite as planned.

9pm, Bones, Sky1
The lovely Angel - sorry, I mean Booth (can anyone stop thinking of him as his previous vampiric incarnation?) and his partner Brennan head off to Chesapeake bay to take a look at a grisly body, of which only the torso remains. Using the serial numbers from the breast implants belonging to said decomposed body, the duo surmise that it once belonged to a vicar living in Maryland. However, the discovery of the victim’s legs (mmm, nice!) could prove them wrong.

9pm, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Virgin 1
In a scene that won’t remind Terminator fans of anything they’ve seen before (wink), a naked man arrives on Earth in a shower of blue lightning, and runs through the streets. He finds Sarah Connor’s house and tells her she has to stop a man who is working at a power plant in two days. He dies before he can tell her more. Can Sarah save the world yet again? I suspect the answer may be yes.

10pm, Cold Case, Sky1
In tonight’s blast from the past, the team looks at a case from 1951, when a marine went on his shore leave and never came back. Did he jump or was he pushed? Through a series of flashbacks and present day investigations, the story of Jimmy is slowly revealed. His steadfast family believe he would never go AWOL, and have spent the past 50 years trying to prove this. The truth of the matter must come out at last!

10pm, Life, ITV3
NEW SERIES Detective Charlie Crews (Damien Lewis) has finally made it out of the clink after years of doing time for a crime he didn’t commit, and finds that the world has moved on without him. However, his keen sense of detail means he can still solve crimes with his eyes closed. Charlie’s new-found love of life reminds us all to live life to the full. Aww, what a lovely, not at all hackneyed message. Bless.